Fight the fright

April 4th, 2007 · Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, psychology, self

surrender flagI am still apprehensive about going to the doctor. I keep thinking it’s about me giving up. Like I raised the white flag and shouted “I surrender”. It’s like admitting that I have a problem and I’m not strong enough to deal with it alone. It’s not something that I can do easily.

I have been fighting alone for over ten years. I have been blood-stained and battle worn. I have been praying to the Creator to sustain my life so that I can win. I have sustained a strong front against my Enemy. The war is never over. You can still hear the dull roar of skirmishes in the distance when it seems that all is peaceful and in bloom at the front.

So here I am, staring the reinforcements in the face, and I am surrounded. Do I put my hands up and surrender? Do I dig my heels in and fight till the last breath? I’m tired of fighting, but I can’t just quit.

Going to the doctor = quitting. When did it get to be that way? I used to love going to the psych…but I was only ten. What do 10 year olds know, anyway?

Mark:
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