I have indeed been reading while I was gone. I finished the chapter on Emptiness and moved onto the Anger section. Talk about being blown away. I get angry sometimes to the point of seeing death all around me. I don’t act on my feelings, other than screaming at the top of my lungs or lashing out with my words. It’s like shaking up a bottle of soda and just letting it loose. The more you try to can it, the more you have to release.
The emptiness is another story. I would feel like there was a black hole in the middle of my soul. I don’t have that feeling too much now, just depression and self loathing. Sometimes those feelings take over and that’s all there is to me. I am filled with pain, not empty per se. A lot of times I feel like there is nothing to me, nothing about me that is desirable to anyone. I wonder why I have a family, or what my husband stays here for.Â It’s insanity to another level. It’s the point where you talk yourself to insane.