Sometimes I Act Crazy: Emptiness and Anger
I have indeed been reading while I was gone. I finished the chapter on Emptiness and moved onto the Anger section. Talk about being blown away. I get angry sometimes to the point of seeing death all around me. I don’t act on my feelings, other than screaming at the top of my lungs or lashing out with my words. It’s like shaking up a bottle of soda and just letting it loose. The more you try to can it, the more you have to release.
The emptiness is another story. I would feel like there was a black hole in the middle of my soul. I don’t have that feeling too much now, just depression and self loathing. Sometimes those feelings take over and that’s all there is to me. I am filled with pain, not empty per se. A lot of times I feel like there is nothing to me, nothing about me that is desirable to anyone. I wonder why I have a family, or what my husband stays here for. It’s insanity to another level. It’s the point where you talk yourself to insane.
More soon.
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2 Responses to “Sometimes I Act Crazy: Emptiness and Anger”
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Girl, did you ever get to see a doctor? There are drugs that can help. In the meantime, I will pray for peace for you.
I’ve yet to figure out which is worse.. The void.. No emotions. Empty . The lack of tears, feeling, response .. lacking Things people normally feel..
or.. Feeling everything. There seems to be no inbetween. You either feel nothing. Or everything
and when you feel its overwhelming.. Its all consuming.. The fear, anger,r esentment, hostility, sadness, happy, joy, loathing, hatered, cant stop crying, etc.
Its either all or none. I cant find an inbetween. or even somewhere close to the middle..
And i cant decide which is worse. The nothing or the everything.