Silence = judgment?
Sometimes I will write things about myself on different forums where I feel safe to share some of my most intimate thoughts. Sometimes, those thoughts are completely ignored. I feel like it’s some type of silent judgment they are passing on me, like they are thinking the worst of me because of what I wrote. It makes me want to crawl back within myself and not share anything ever again. It’s especially evident if I talk about my struggles in parenting.
With another child on the way, I think I am even more sensitive to what people DON’T say, more than what they say. First of all, I am emotional just because of the pregnancy. Secondly, their silence just confirms what I think they are thinking about me. Lastly, no one EVER says anything to contradict what I think they think so it’s doubly confirmed that I have been judged. Maybe it’s just my own paranoia, but that’s what it feels like to me.
I hate how I feel like my world is crumbling away as I get further into myself. I can’t tell anyone what I really feel or think, they might call the authorities…then I really would lose everything. I save it for the anonymous online, but that doesn’t work either, since my online friends seem to be judging me. See the dilemma?
oh yeah. i didnt tell you guys. I am expecting March 3, 2008 LOL
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5 Responses to “Silence = judgment?”
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Oh Suni, I wish I could reach through thr computer and give you a hug. You will get through this . . . one day at a time. Having a 3 year old and pregnant — well i know what you are going through. Unfortunately, after the baby is born, it does not get too much easier. Let me know if you need anything.
Aw! Don’t take their silence that way. I, for one, am so excited for you!
It took me a bit of searching to realize shot was the comment link.
Wow! I am so happy for you, you are such a great mother to your little boy and I know you will be to this one as well! Congratulations. I have tagged you: http://melissaclee.com/?p=223
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Suni}}}}}}}}}}}}} Bipolar is hard, the early years of parenting is hard - put those two together, combined with all the hormones…and man! We’re a wreck! I know, I’ve been there! And trust me, I’ve had some really horrible thoughts…egh…I shutter to think about some of them. But they are just thoughts. But, I’m a good mom, and SO ARE YOU!!! More hugs….{{{{{{Suni}}}}}}
Congratulations! Wonderful news!
Don’t worry about what people say or don’t say, sometimes people don’t say anything as they don’t know what to say. Whether it’s blog comments, message board posts, or anything similar, I don’t say anything unless I’m moved to say it. Silence is not always a bad thing. If writing something is therapeutic to you, don’t worry about other’s approval or disapproval.
As far as being worried about people finding out what you are thinking, it’s no worse than what is going in in my head - believe me. And I have 5 wonderful children and a great relationship with them.