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Welcoming a new reader & My latest psych visit

October 26th, 2007 Comments are off · Health Related, progress

I returned from my appointment today at around 12:30. I now have two appointments in 2 weeks. One for the ‘chiatrist and the other for my therapist (who I have been calling the ‘cologist). I am not looking forward to the first, but the second should be fine. I gave the address of this blog to my therapist so she could read more into what is going on with me whenever she has a chance. (Welcome therapist T. I hope reading this blog helps us in our sessions.) I don’t have anything to hide from her. I feel safety there so I know that anything I write here is not going to make me any different in her eyes. I am thanking God I have a therapist who understands and is exactly the kind of therapist that I so desperately need.

I did share the books that I have been reading. We went over the DSM IV requirements for borderline. You only have to fit 5 out of the requirements. Unfortunately for me (or fortunately, only time will tell) I fit at least 80% of the requirements without having to stretch to make them fit. Telling the truth about my symptoms and issues…it’s easy to see how I can settle on this as a primary diagnosis for myself. We will see if the psychiatrist agrees.

I have homework this week. I have to write down my fears…since I operate out of fear more than anything, apparently. I also have to work through my mind that I am indeed an angry person. I have lots to let go of…as I found out today.

You might recall that I have said before that I feel like I’m split… like I am more than one person and I wish I could just be one person and feel like everyone will still like me. I am SCARED to do that, though, because I will lose everyone…or that’s what I think will happen. We touched on that. I told her about all the overanalyzing that I have done since the last visit. Thankfully, she agreed that I did totally OVER analyze and it isn’t as bad as I thought LOL At least this time I don’t have any nagging thoughts in the back of my head, but I do have to deal with this list of fears. This should be interesting. I think I will go through a few of my journals and make a nice long list. *sigh*

As to why Im not looking forward to the first appointment, it isn’t because he is a man. I had a man pscyhologist before. I know that he won’t MAKE me take drugs…. but he could “strongly suggest” which would piss me off. I don’t like a man who has that much power over me. I almost feel as though I would not be safe in his presence. I feel like he will try to impose his will and control me.

Issues…I know. You don’t have to tell me.

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