Therapist tomorrow
I get to see my therapist tomorrow at 12:30pm. I am anxious to see her, but not anxious/nervous. More like anxious/I have lots on my mind to get out. We will probably talk about why I had to swith psychiatrists and such. We will probably also crack the book on my fears.
Right now I am in a deep spiral downward. I am trying to distract myself from getting any lower. It’s hard. I’m irritable and annoyed. There is nothing that happened to make me this way today, it just is what it is. I was okay most of today, though. The more I am pulled and pushed, the less patience I have for it. I just need to take a breath and hope that I can make it just a few more hours. I made it this far, already. I just need to veg and forget for a while. I am going to crochet for a while to get some steam off that way.
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Tags: bpd, borderline, therapist, borderlinepersonality disorder, depression
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Hi again…
You wrote: “I am trying to distract myself from getting any lower. It’s hard. I’m irritable and annoyed. There is nothing that happened to make me this way today, it just is what it is. I was okay most of today, though”
I’ve been irritable and annoyed myself lately and not sure why. Always trying to control that downward spiral and think about what I have learned about managing and all that. All my “new skills” and “new understanding.” But as you say, sometimes that’s “just the way it is.” You wake up that way sometimes, everything seems a struggle, frustration is high, etc. Where does that come from? I think I can guess mine this week, but I don’t want to explore it on my own just yet! My therapy is on Thursdays.
Apparently with my confusion and on/off pain I am exactly where I am supposed to be. :p She explains it this way: change is very difficult and when you truly start on that path, it’s not gonna be easy. My mind and body rebel, I question everything, and it’s hard not to just give up. But so far I haven’t. It’s a struggle, and I am having a series of bad days, but I don’t let that sway me from the idea that I am indeed making progress. The spiral is an old, familiar ‘friend’ who hasn’t paid this kind of visit in a while. Which means hey, something’s going on!
Roundabout way of saying I hear ya. Those spirals come and lots of people don’t get how hard it can be to deal with them. They just appear at times. And we deal best we can. I’m looking forward to my appt on Thursday. My ‘ologist puts things in perspective in a way I am unable to (though I am getting better at it) when I am in the midst of the haziness and self doubt.
Thanks for listening. And for your posts. Sharing is key, imo.
all the best,
g
too true g, too true. i find out things in therapy i wouldnt normally admit to myself. it is progress… tremendous progress. she is really there to help me and the more i give in to that, the better it is for me.