Facing yourself. Do you have self love? How about self worth? How do you find these things for yourself, without basing them on another person’s perception of you? Take a listen, see how I am dealing with this issue myself.
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on Monday, April 21st, 2008 at 8:00 am and is filed under Borderline Personality Disorder, Podcast.
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April 21st, 2008 at 3:56 pm
[...] ALSO My podcast is up on my other blog: The Meltdown What are you worth? [...]
May 13th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
*hugz*
to a certain degree we all harbour self loathing traits. i had a conversation with my bf not too long ago and asked him outright why it is he loves me, why it is he chooses to be with me, because for the life of me i can’t understand why. his answer was, “because i do.” ordinarily, that answer would not be enough for me, but on this particular occasion i had to make myself believe that it’s a forest for the trees sort of thing. he sees all the things i can’t because i am so focused on all the things i feel i’m not, and he can appreciate them in a way i couldn’t. and that made it enough for me.
i think we get the false impression that we are islands, capable of sustaining ourselves solo without the assistance of others… even if that assistance is in the form of their positive perception when we can’t seem to see the silver linings of our personality clouds. but that couldn’t be further from the truth. we were not created to be completely self-sufficient, in my humble opinion. we were created to be compliments and mirrors for one another; to serve as reminders and reflections for the low points where we can not see for ourselves just how wonderful we are. wonderful not because we’re “perfect” or present a perfect facade… but wonderful because even in the midst of our imperfections, there can never been another you or i, EVER!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with using an outside source as a step ladder to positive self image. in fact, everyone does it… even those of us who proudly express that we don’t care what others think of us. that is a sham and a lie, because in today’s society you have to. be it your boss, your co-workers, your spouse, or other family members, how outsiders see us is very important to how we see ourselves. now the balance comes in when you realize their impression is not to be slipped on like a suit or worn as a disguise to hide behind… it is to be used as a stepping stone to a point where you finally can feel those things about yourself for yourself.
if your husband compliments you, take heart in that, because i’m sure if you weren’t worth it, he wouldn’t offer it. recall that compliment as many times as you need to in order to commit it to habitual memory. after that, take the step to personalizing that compliment, over and over, replacing your huband’s name with “I”. if he told you you were pretty, start off with, “he says i’m pretty” and move into “i say i’m pretty.” make sense? oh sure, it will feel fake and false in the beginning, but like with anything practice and repetition is key.
as i said, you are not alone in this. i have struggled with self esteem issues since i could recall conscious thought, and still do just about every minute of the day. what helps me overcome is realizing that if it’s possible for me to believe and adopt all the negative thoughts and opinions about myself, then it’s equally possible to embrace and accept the positive ones too. what makes the bad more truthful than the good, ya know?
it’s a process suni, one that extends the whole of your existence and dogs the heels mercilessly. but what will get you through is that determination to want to do and be better, for yourself and your family. you keep that in the forefront of your mind and you’ll make it to the other side of the valley. and if you ever need help… you know how to reach me. *smile*