Impulses: Lost gusto
It sucks to know that you only a few short months ago enjoyed doing something so much that it overtook your dreams. That’s how it was with me and my knitting. I was totally obsessed. Now, I pick up the needles, do a few stitches, and just walk away again. It is really frustrating. I am hoping and praying that as the time draws nearer for woolly scarves and mittens, that my fervor will return. I fear that it will not and I will have amassed all these supplies for nothing.
Just like I returned to my guitar, but with less gusto than when I picked it up the first time…I have yet again put it down and walked away. I WANT to do these things, but they are just not calling me.
And even now with a book I was reading. I have 1/2 inch out of a 3 1/2 inch thick book left to read, but I cannot bring myself to read it. I keep starting new books, hoping that it’s just a phase…but even those books are going half read.
The worst is with cleaning my house. I am forcing myself to do what has to be done, but I would rather do it with joy. I have been fighting off this unfounded depression for over a month. It started slowly, months ago, and began to creep across me like quick sand. When you stop thrashing around you don’t stop sinking, but you only sink more slowly. Now I’m stuck, looking for a vine to pull me out of the mire.
I keep praying about it… and forcing myself to do the things I yearn to feel the want to do… I just hope that the want comes back soon.
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