The Shame of Self Mutilation
I always feel terrible after cutting. I always feel like it’s a childish act, a lack of self control. I feel like the whole world is looking down on me wagging their fingers and shaking their heads because I couldn’t keep it together. I feel this shame and guilt that begs the question
WHY do it?
At the time, it seems like the only thing you can do. Someone told me it was a selfish act, when in reality my mind says that I do this so I don’t hurt other people in my rage. Better me than them. It’s not selfish…but a sacrifice. I sacrifice my own self for their well being. I keep my hands busy so that I don’t use them in anger against another person.
It’s only really selfish if my intent is to kill, not cut, myself. THAT is selfish. Of course, I am told that I could slip once and really do myself harm. Do you have any clue what kind of slip it would have to be in order to mortally wound myself with a little razor with no handle? That’s not a slip…that’s deliberate. You have to practically sever your own hand from your body. You can’t just slip and do that. You have to be cutting near a major vein to do that. It’s called SLASHING your wrist, not slipping and cutting your wrist. You have to go in with the intent of majorly harming yourself.
Mutilation is not about death, or it would be called attempted suicide.
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