BULLETPROOFsoul » Borderline Personality Disorder

The Meltdown: Sexual Affliction

Bulletproof Soul — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:48:21 +0000

Today I deal with some issues in the news and the sexual affliction that periodically plagues me and my relationship.

Mentioned in the podcast:
Stuck with the Stigma
Treatment for Borderline
Study about genetics
Natural remedies for bipolar and depression

Music:
Human Nature
You Are Not Alone
Man In The Mirror

RIP Michael Jackson

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Mental Monday: The bipolar excuse

Bulletproof Soul — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 04:02:13 +0000

The thing that makes me mad about mental health is that so many people are using it as an excuse to act out. I mean, just take a look at the news stories that come up. The first thing they say is “the suspect suffers from bipolar disorder” or another mental illness. I think that the media likes to make the excuse more than the actual person. It’s a sad shame that people are being made into pariahs because of their mental illnesses. It’s like they are saying bipolar and borderline people can’t be trusted to live and work in society as normal human beings. They are always expected to go off the deep end and take people with them. It’s the saddest thing I have seen. I hope that one day that stigma will change.

Mental Monday: Bisexual Bipolars

Bulletproof Soul — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 03:36:20 +0000

I was reading something about the duality that comes with being bipolar, as well as the tendency for the same in borderlines. I thought it was interesting to see that some people actually think the patient would not be bisexual if they did not suffer from BP or BPD. It is apparently a common codiagnosis.

Are duality and lack of being able to cope in a normal relationship really issues that go hand in hand? What do you think?

Fallen again

Bulletproof Soul — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 18:25:10 +0000

Yes I fell again last night. For whatever reason, this past week has been one of the hardest in a long time. I didn’t have anywhere to turn last night. I kept trying to forget about what was plaguing me. I kept trying to pray it away, wish it away…whatever I could do not to fall back into the spiraling abyss of psychotic depression that I was in before…but I fell. I fell hard. I couldn’t call the crisis line even though I had every intention. I went for the phone, but someone was using the line… and therefore I never got to crisis calling. I went back to my corner, found my release, and still there was no peace to be found. I knew it when I did it, but that glimmer of hope that maybe this time would be different kept me from stopping. I tried to stop. I did stop. I didn’t peel away my skin. I didn’t remove the face that offends me every day.

I don’t hate myself. I hate the things that the people I love hate about me. I think I am a cool person, but that’s not who people see. I try to show MYSELF, but I get shot every time. I am tired of being told I’m not enough, that I am not pretty enough, nice enough, smart enough… In church yesterday, the pastor spoke something that I have always believed:

If you hear a lie about yourself long enough, you start to believe it and become that lie.

It becomes truth for you. That is how it has always worked for me. I have always said this, and I am always told the same thing: Stop believing the lies. Stop listening to what other people think.

Yeah, easy, right?
NOT!

Transforming my thoughts to those that edify instead of destroy has been a process. A long tedious process. I have come so far, but have so much further to come. There is still only one person in my life that I give the authority to break me. I don’t know how to reclaim that right back short of not being around that person…and that is not an option. I have a lot to think about, a lot to deal with. I have to pick myself back up from this fall and start all over again.

The Meltdown Mash Up 1st edition

Bulletproof Soul — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:02:00 +0000

Well, here I am again with another podcast to tickle your ears. This one covers news, parenting, love, friends, and personal experiences with borderline. Good music and more! Check out the brand spanking new format and let me know how you like it.

Honorable mention(s):
Jane Chin of Jane’s Mental Health Source Page

Featured music:
Four songs from the Transformers: The Movie soundtrack (What I’ve Done/Linkin Park, Doomsday Clock/Smashing Pumpkins, Retina and the Sky/Idiot Pilot, This Moment/ Disturbed)
I’m Sticking With You / Velvet Revolver
Time Of Your Life (Good Riddance) / Green Day

Grey Matter and your fear Hub

Bulletproof Soul — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 21:51:05 +0000

A new study suggests that our “grey matter” impairs our emotion-regulating brain areas. If you have too little, you have a greater chance of uncontrollable mood swings. People with Borderline happen to have too little of that grey stuff and it messes around with our rationality. They have images to show exactly what this phenomenon entails. This is why many psychiatrists will prescribe seratonin to patients with borderline, although they didn’t fully understand what it was that made the seratonin such a success in treating borderlines.

*some of this is my own opinion, but the study tells you about the grey matter*

New Study: It is all just in my head

Bulletproof Soul — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 00:00:11 +0000

New Study Points to Malfunction in the Brain of Those With BPD

The scans revealed a brain malfunction associated with the disorder, a serious but common mental illness that affects a person’s perceptions of the world and other people.

This is something that I have believed from day one. It can’t just be me malfunctioning as a person. There has to be something deeper than that. With most other mental illnesses *that I am aware of* there are marked differences in the way their brains function which explains or at least helps to clarify the reasons behind certain behaviors in the ill person. Bipolars have it, and now we have something to look at for ourselves. I pray that this evidence is used for the good of all borderline patients in the near future.

Technorati Tags: brain malfunction, borderline personality disorder

To counter what

Bulletproof Soul — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 20:58:37 +0000

You do not need a diagnosis to evaluate your relationship.
All you need to determine whether it is viable and repairable is to
feel as much compassion from your partner as you give and to know,
through your binocular vision, that your partner sees your perspectives
as equal to his/her own.

from How crazy is your spouse?

Real Love or just Borderline Shenanigans

Bulletproof Soul — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:10:56 +0000

I read an article today that really shook me to my core. I get the emailed key word updates every day for “bipolar personality disorder”. Now, today I got this interesting link to an article about Borderlines and loving others.

Okay, we have issues. Okay, we don’t love in a “healthy” way because we are mentally unhealthy. I get that…but don’t go and say that we don’t love at all! Even the corroborating testimony on the sidebar reiterates that BPDs do not love the people they are with.

Now, being that I enjoy open discussions about topics, I joined their forum and introduced myself. I said exactly what and who I am, and why I was there. I also opened a discussion about the article, which has been having some interesting dialogue.

My thing is this: the article implies that we do not love since our illness is making us need that person, not love them. Erm… no. Am I the only one here that sees what I see?

I am not asking for people to go start a flame war with them. Let them be!

I want to know why this article is slanted in such a way that will make people get divorces and run for the hills. I want to know why this article makes it seem as though all borderlines should be treated as lepers and put on an island somewhere to drive each other mad.

The Meltdown: What are you worth?

Bulletproof Soul — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 12:00:25 +0000

Facing yourself. Do you have self love? How about self worth? How do you find these things for yourself, without basing them on another person’s perception of you? Take a listen, see how I am dealing with this issue myself.

Music: