I have lead a life full of sacrifice, it seems. You would think I would be used to it by now, but I am not. I know that the things that we are doing right now come with a lot of sacrifice. I can’t have everything the way I want it. I can’t be the way I want to be. I can’t just let everything go and do what I feel.
Being a Christian comes with sacrifice anyway. It’s part and parcel of the full deal of following Christ. To follow Him means you do the things that He did even unto death. I should expect to sacrifice. Even one of the fruit of the spirit is LONG SUFFERING. It’s the way I have chosen this life. It isn’t easy, especially while coping with sacrifice and trying to keep from relapsing into psychosis.
There are times when I get tired of being around people. Some may call me a sociophobe or even a sociopath at times. I come to intervals in my life when all I want to do is be alone and secluded. I don’t want to be connected to anyone or anything. It doesn’t happen nearly as often as it once did. I still feel sort of detached from the world most of the time. It’s almost like running a robot with remote control sometimes. I know I can’t be the only person that ever felt this way.
In my travels over the net, I have found that many people like to blog their mental illnesses. I found the best anti-blog post to date this afternoon as I surfed.
Shallow Coffee is not at all shy about talking with others about bipolar, but she doesn’t want to deal with it either. I don’t really blame her. Admitting you have a problem, especially a mental one, can do so much to your relationships. It can do so much in the prejudging that people already do of a person once they meet. Having kids and a mental disorder also makes complications for the children sometimes. I love the way she just comes out and says what she thinks about the whole ordeal.
My notes to you: Don’t ever say you are weak due to your mental illness(es). Don’t ever think that just because your brain functions differently that it is always a hindrance to you. You have been strong enough to go through this for years and not falter. You have been stable enough to have a family, and raise them yourself. That is NOT weak. You are strong enough to admit what is wrong with you and what is going on in your mind. You are strong because you LIVE with your illnesses and have not let them destroy you. More power to you sweetie. I pray that you continue in strength!
The thing that makes me mad about mental health is that so many people are using it as an excuse to act out. I mean, just take a look at the news stories that come up. The first thing they say is “the suspect suffers from bipolar disorder” or another mental illness. I think that the media likes to make the excuse more than the actual person. It’s a sad shame that people are being made into pariahs because of their mental illnesses. It’s like they are saying bipolar and borderline people can’t be trusted to live and work in society as normal human beings. They are always expected to go off the deep end and take people with them. It’s the saddest thing I have seen. I hope that one day that stigma will change.
I was reading something about the duality that comes with being bipolar, as well as the tendency for the same in borderlines. I thought it was interesting to see that some people actually think the patient would not be bisexual if they did not suffer from BP or BPD. It is apparently a common codiagnosis.
Are duality and lack of being able to cope in a normal relationship really issues that go hand in hand? What do you think?
Yeppers! I will be back to regular posting here on Mondays. I was thinking about throwing in a video blog every so often, too. We will see. Get your RSS revved up for Mondays here!
Music: Never Thought by Sons of Thunder feat King’z Jewel in the background vocals 
Today I saw my therapist. She said I am making progress! WOOT!! I actually was able to eat before our appointment for the first time since I began seeing her. I used to just drink coffee or tea and bounce off the walls of her office. Today we had a normal paced conversation! Lots of the things I was dealing with when we first met are taken care of now. I am so happy…
but…
there is something new that has popped up that I now have to gain control over:
violent flashbacks of physical abuse.
Apparently my brain said YAY you are done with this other stuff, now deal with THIS!
This week on The Meltdown, I talk about regression and the guilt that come with it. I also talk about how I am doing my best to fight back.
Music: Much Like Falling by FlyLeaf
Book:
Battlefield of the Mind: Winning the Battle in Your Mind
Just in time for my own meltdown, I have been introduced to these completely free self help programs. The site is chock full of help for people who are in varying stages of life, from trying to quit smoking, to entrepreneurs.
It’s a breeze to sign up. Just click the bright blue “Join Now” star, put in a few details, and you are off. You are signed in as soon as you join. There, you find a friendly interface that will get you started making friends, connecting to support groups, and start your own programs. There are a number of life coaching support groups to fit your individual needs. Just do a simple search by category or keyword.
Thousands of hours have been devoted to compiling the best of the best for this site. There are so many opportunities to learn and grow here. You can share your victories through the free blog that they provide you, or garner inspiration from the accomplishments of others. We can finally find the accountability we need to succeed in recovering from whatever it is we are dealing with, and that is one of the most important parts of recovery.
New to the site are inspirational motivation podcasts, which can be downloaded to your computer, subscribed to on iTunes, or in your feed reader of choice. I like downloading podcasts to my mp3 player so I can take them with me and listen when I need to be uplifted. It’s a great addition to an already solid site.
Take the time to check it out for yourself. You will not be sorry. There are so many things to do, join, read, and watch that you are nearly guaranteed to leave the site changed. Join a challenge, make goals, gain wisdom from the triumphs and the failures of others. There is no better way to get through addictions and mental illnesses than to see there is a way out. There is a way to freedom. There is hope for recovery. Once you realize that there is a better way, you will recover that much faster.
Hope to see you there!
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